Kids and Divorce: Is There a Good Time to Move Forward? | Allan Brandon Tise PLLC, Attorney at Law
If you are putting off your divorce because you don't want to upset your children's lives, you are not alone. Many couples remain married even after they decide they want to separate for the sake of their children. However, you may be doing more harm than good. Ultimately, remaining in a poor marriage is likely going to be more difficult than if you divorce.
Still, many parents question this decision. Some believe it is better to wait until the children are older so they are better equipped to understand what is happening. If you are waiting to divorce because of your children, you may want to consider the following information.
Does a Child's Age Matter?
One major sticking point of divorcing when you have children is the age of your kids. Your circumstances are unique and your children's reactions will be different, but there are some statistics that show the impact of divorce on children of certain ages. This may make the decision easier for you if you are considering your children as a factor of your divorce process.
When you have infants, the decision is much easier. Infants do not know about or understand the conflict unless one or both of you are physically abusive. A baby will certainly be able to detect when there is turmoil, particularly if the two of you yell and scream at one another.
If this is not the case for you, the chances that your infant has any idea as to what is going on is minute. An infant will not have memories of you all living together. Thus, divorcing with an infant is probably the easiest within this situation because he or she will never know anything was ever different.
If you have a toddler, things can be more complicated. When you change his or her world by one of you moving out, your child is very likely to show signs of emotion or turmoil. A child this age can have difficulty understanding why one day his or her parents are no longer together.
When you divorce with toddlers, it is best to move on with your normal routines as much as possible and make sure the child can see both parents regularly to establish a new normal.
When you have older children and adolescents, the reactions can be mixed. Some children will show a lot of emotion while other's will hold it in. Some kids may compartmentalize his or her feelings and try to blame themselves. You may notice some children and adolescents become angry at having to change their lives around. Others may be happier after the split because the home has been unhappy.
No matter what, you should create a supportive atmosphere with children of this age. Be available to answer questions. Also, be open to outside counseling if your older child or adolescent is having a lot of trouble with the changes.
When Is the Best Time?
This question doesn't have one correct answer. What is easy for one family may be impossible for the next. You have to evaluate your circumstances and determine what is best for you. The bottom line, however, is when parents are unhappy in their circumstances, chances are the entire family is dragged down as well.
When you are living in a stressful and angry environment, it is often healthier to cut the cord and let go of the unhappy marriage for the sake of the children. The new situation will be difficult at first, but everyone will acclimate eventually and adapt to their new lives. In most cases, everyone will finally be much happier.
If you have any questions or concerns about divorce, please contact Allan Brandon Tise, PLLC today.
